Being a Good Host/Being a Good Guest

An annoyed hostess in New Jersey wrote a syndicated advice columnist that she loves to entertain. Yet even though she carefully prepares healthy, creative food using the freshest ingredients, invariably at least one guest says “I don’t eat that!” She’s convinced that such guests are rude. How should she respond? The advice columnist suggested the hostess smile and say: “If you don’t like that, don’t eat it.”[1] Of course the hostess is right; such behavior is rude. Yet it is not only the rude guest who is responsible for this problem.

I will admit that there are some foods I do not like, with mushrooms and peaches being at the top of the list. While I can eat both mushrooms and peaches, I would rather not, thank you very much. Other people have food allergies. Some food allergies are so serious, that a person’s life might be at risk if he or she eats something that causes a severe reaction.

I’m sure that the New Jersey hostess loves to cook, and thoughtfully prepares a menu that will taste delicious. But even more important than the food that is set on the table, are the people who are sitting around the table. And if a host serves food that a guest does not like, or that could seriously harm a guest, that luncheon or dinner party is not an every day celebration.

One important early step is to talk to your guests before you plan your menu. Whenever we are hosting a party, I make sure to ask our guests if they have any food allergies, or if there is any food they don’t like. If I sense reluctance to answer, I’ll admit to my own food dislikes, to let them know that it is perfectly acceptable not to like certain food. I truly want to know their preferences, so that we can have a great time together. I then take these dislikes and allergies into consideration before deciding what to serve, to make sure that there are options to disliked food and that food that causes allergies is not served at all.

But what do you do if you are a guest in someone’s home, and as the meal is served, you discover that on your plate is a food you would rather not put in your mouth? If your host is unaware of your aversion to that food and you can safely eat it, I suggest you do. I have eaten more mushrooms and peaches than I care to recall. If it happens again when you are a guest of the same host, then I suggest politely and discreetly placing the food you cannot stand to the side of your plate. If your host asks, graciously tell him or her the truth.

Of course if you have a food allergy, do not put your health at risk in an attempt to be a good guest. After all, how could a guest would you be if you had a severe allergic reaction at the dinner table? If you can safely eat around the problem food, do. If you cannot, you will need to inform your host.
[1]Jeanne Philip, “Dear Abby,” appearing in the September 6, 2009 issue of the Sunday News Journal (Wilmington, Delaware).